What a week for degenerate’s. The slate for Saturday is atrocious. I will be watching Flyers/Flames at 1pm because College Football this weekend is just boring. But that’s not what the Digest is about. The Digest is about providing YOU with College Football locks as long as College Football is being played. So, I asked myself this morning, how do I make this entertaining for all true degenerate’s out there. How do I turn Week 12 into something special? And it came to me. Being the Lord of Light, these sorts of epiphanies are frequent. So, it was no surprise to me when I thought of the perfect idea on how to spice up Week 12 for the Digest. I said earlier in the season that taking the under takes a thick sack. You really have to nut up to lay down cash betting on a low scoring, heavy defensive effort from both squads. Plus, who wants to watch a boring, low scoring game anyway? Degenerate’s, that’s who. I’m about to hang brain on Vegas; whipping out my balls and just slapping them in the face with five, that’s right, five unders. D-Fence baby, D-Fence.
Louisiana-Monroe vs. (6) Auburn: UNDER 68.5
The Tigers are going to take this one early, because ULM has absolutely zero defense. The line actually makes sense because the Warhawks actually have an offense who dropped 52 on Appalachian State. But Jarette Stidham and Kerryon Johnson will come out quick and help the home Tigers get on the board early and often. The second stringer’s may be coming in after halftime in this matchup.
Final Score: Auburn 45, ULM 17
SMU vs. (21) Memphis: UNDER 75.5
People are saying this is going to be an offensive shootout from both squads since they both essentially have bowl games wrapped up. I, however, think that Memphis is going to have a nice defensive outing against SMU. I really like the Tigers here. SMU does tend to put up points, but they are checked out offensively until the bowl game. There are no implications for Ben Hicks to have a huge game here, it won’t change anything for them. Thus, I’m taking Memphis to catch’em sleeping on offense.
Final Score: Memphis 42, SMU 27
Illinois vs. (9) Ohio State: UNDER 56
I think the spread for this game was Ohio by 40. And I am a firm believer that when the over/under is within 20 points of the spread, you take the over. But this is Week 12 people! Another potential second-string sighting may be put into effect for the Buckeyes after halftime. Illinois will not score more than 13 points, and Ohio State will NOT cover. In fact, an extra recommendation on this game for you degenerate’s who like to play it a little safer; tease the spread 6 points to Illinois +46. I see it in the Digest, do you?
Final Score: Ohio State 42, Illinois 13
Texas A&M vs. Ole Miss: UNDER 69.5 (nice)
Fun firefight? Jordan Ta’amu has been lighting it up lately for Ole Miss, but that just means he’s set for a drop off game. The Aggies defense will aim to keep him in check at home. And I think they will be able to, and hopefully on the opening drive. Crush this kids spirits right off the bat, and you kill the momentum. Which means the Rebel’s defense will have to come out to play as well. You see where I’m going with this? Back and forth defensive stops if you can just open up with one, the under is dependent on the first drive. I may even recommend waiting to lay cash for a live bet. If no one scores on the opening drive it’s a lock, take the o/u65 that it will probably drop to at that time, and run with it.
Final Score: Ole Miss 35, Texas A&M 27
Arizona vs. Oregon: UNDER 74
This actually has potential to be a really fun game to watch if you have nothing else going on tonight at 7pm (God I hope you all do). Oregon has been suspect ever since Justin Herbert went down, but he is possibly coming back tonight. Arizona has been putting up points this season, which means they have a chance here tonight from Eugene! This can still be an offensive battle between two PAC-12 teams and still have the under hit which is nice. Both offenses will be evenly matched, and both defenses will slip up a good 3 or 4 times each. Careful watching this one degenerates, it may be the most exciting game of the season!
Final Score: Arizona 38, Oregon 34
*A Note from the Editor: lol fuck week 12*