Is there anything more appropriate for Front Stoop Sports then to review beer? I mean, come on. We talk sports, we drink beer. That’s it. So, it makes sense for us to give you, our readers, our Stoop Kids, only the best beer reviews to hit the internet. But are we going to review local brews? Craft beer? Domestics? No, all of that shit is done every single day online. If that’s what you’re looking for – go to dumb dumb Buzzfeed.
No – here at Front Stoop Sports, we represent the Front Stoop. We represent the raw, unbiased, true to the people territory. Thus, I will be taking on the next content adventure of Summer 2018 for the Stoop. Reviewing the original growlers. What we all grew up on. Malt Liquor 40oz’s.
Remember when you were 16 and first got your hands on a Hurricane High Grav? I sure as shit do. There is something about the 40oz bottle and the Stoop that go hand in hand. A freedom untouched. An authentic American Dream, even if it is only for a couple of hours.
Our first review is an Icehouse 42oz PLASTIC bottle.
EDITORS NOTE: Fuck plastic bottles, seriously. They suck. Glass is like 50% behind the allure that is the 40oz. This plastic trend is bullshit. But, we try them all. I won’t subtract points just for some money hungry monopoly man putting this golden brew in plastic and saving probably a total of 2 cents a bottle in production. Kill the planet monopoly man, I hope you sleep well at night with your $5 a day profit on 40oz. production. That’s the other 50% allure behind 40oz.’s. They are dying. FAST. I remember when I first turned 21, I could find them at almost any bar that had to-go beer. Now, I have to drive sometimes 30min out of my way just to get a taste of the sweet sweet beverage that is known as malt liquor. Is the Stoop going to single handedly make 40’s great again? Probably. Onto the review.
This 40 was a disgrace for the first ever Stoop 40 review. Not only was it in a plastic bottle. But it wasn’t even Malt Liquor! It was a fraud. Icehouse is essentially a Natty Ice in a 40oz plastic bottle. Utter disgrace. 5.5% ABV (a glorified domestic). It tasted okay, but I don’t want ‘okay’ in a 40. I want one of the two sides of the spectrum. Either complete shit – but gets you rowdy. Or actually tasty and just fills you up. This? This was like drinking a PBR pounder, and then a bud light can – and repeating that process about 3 times. It sucked. It was kinda sweet, kinda grainy, but mainly shitty. It did come in 42oz, which is a plus, but that’s because it’s plastic. They all come that way. I finished it in about 15-20min and got little to no real buzz off of it. Could do another one in the same amount of time consecutively no questions asked. That’s when you know the 40 is trash. You should be GROOVING after one, especially in the time that I slug’em down. The good news is that the Malt Liquor reviews can only go up from here. 3.8/10 swills (that’s a malt liquor term dummies).
This reviews swill song goes to...