Well here we are. Week One of College Football. My plums are tingling with excitement, this is the best time of the year!
Last week we started out pretty well for a week that didn’t even count, 3 out of 4? I’ll take that to the bank. But this is the real thick of it. Week One is where your true metal has to shine, because honestly – anything can happen. Most people don’t know a damn thing about these teams, they don’t know a damn thing about how they are going to come out of the gate, they don’t know a damn thing about how long it will take them to really get things together (if ever). Luckily for you degenerates, I know a damn thing about these damn things.
Before I get into Saturday’s games, I just need to vent for a brief moment. I typically don’t like to brag, nor do I need to brag – you all know how clutch I am in almost all situations (except bocce ball, for whatever reason I just cannot get bocce ball to work in my favor). But as it is the beginning of the season, I had to throw some coin down on the Thursday and Friday night games. I started out hot, Cincy -2.5 and Utah -6.5 parlayed – cash. Then I felt like tickling the handle bars of the football gods themselves with the first teaser of the season…
What the fucking fuck Army. What the fucking fuck. You couldn’t get the triple option to beat Rice by 15 or more?? Honestly, I’m worried for our country. How can I sleep at night knowing that the future boots on the ground protecting my brother and mother can’t beat Rice by 15 or more on the gridiron? Maybe I’m a Navy guy now? I don’t know, but it gave me the creeps thinking about it all. Respect to the troops, always… but this is not the best sign for the red, white, and blue.
Luckily, I had the wherewithal to jump on live bet money lines to make my money back from what dream the Army had ruined….
James Madison @ West Virginia: WVU -7.5
Yea, yea I know. New quarterback, new coach, this is the same shit I will probably write about other teams in picks below as to why you shouldn’t pick them. But I don’t care, a lot of rules don’t apply in West Virginia and you know exactly what I mean by that. The Mountaineers will be just fine. Sure, it might be a little bit of a battle with one of the best FCS teams coming in to ruin dreams. But overall, the talent offensively is just well beyond what the Dukes can produce. Expect a second half take over in Morgantown.
Final Score: West Virginia 32, James Madison 21
South Carolina @ North Carolina: South Carolina -11
The real question with this new Tar Heels team is can the new top recruit Sam Howell get things rolling immediately? Maybe. He is in fact that hyped. However, in what is likely going to be a back and forth matchup – I expect an extra turnover or two that will allow the Gamecocks to come out with not only the ‘W’, but the 2 score ‘W’.
Final Score: South Carolina 38, North Carolina 24
Georgia Southern @ (6) LSU: UNDER 52.5
Here we go, the first LSU pick of the season. I’m playing it safe and not touching a team line (let us not forget my special gambling relationship with Coach O). However, I will touch my faith in the defensive lines. I don’t see Georgia Southern scoring more than 1 touchdown and maybe a field goal or two, and LSU will take it easy in the 4th already up by 30-something. Looking forward to this LSU team who I’m sure will be a recurring guest throughout this season of the Digest.
Final Score: LSU 37, Georgia Southern 13
(11) Oregon vs. (16) Auburn: Oregon OUTRIGHT
The disrespect is back! And it’s only week one!! There is disrespect on both sides here. Auburn, a team that is starting over, feels disrespect for the AP poll – putting them #16. But this is not even close (as it is deserved) to the disrespect the Ducks must feel for being UNDERDOGS in this game. Listen, Oregon is a dark-horse candidate for the CFB Playoff. They have a future first round pick leading the team in Justin Herbert. All five offensive line starters are back, and they will be able to handle the tough Tiger front. There are two story lines to this game…
If Auburn wins they are automatically back, while Oregon’s hopes for a strong season essentially fall to the limelight. That’s no fun. I have a solution.
Oregon will win this game and be a program to watch intently throughout the season. This Justin Herbert guy is special, he is going to be a household name soon enough. Auburn will lose, but not by much. The storylines will flood the SEC; ‘is Auburn over?’, ‘what happened to War Eagle?’. But it will allow them to come back throughout the season with potential upsets against Texas A&M and Florida just in time for the LSU game.
Week One will not be the end of the Tigers season, but it will be the start of Oregon’s ride to a potential playoff spot.
Final Score: Oregon 23, Auburn 21
Fresno State @ USC: UNDER 52.5
That’s right, the second THICK SACK of the day. I fucking love unders in week one. This USC program is desperate for a resurgence, they probably won’t get that guarantee tonight. A lot of new pieces, and a Fresno State defense that allowed on average only 14 points per game last season. While I do think USC will ultimately come away with a win, it’s not going to be pretty. Sorry Trojan fans, but it is going to be another transitional year for this program.
Final Score: USC 27, Fresno State 21
Season 3 Running Record: (3-1)