I’m not even going to talk about last weekend. I’m not even going to discuss how clutch I was and wiped the house clean like I was a member of Ocean’s Eleven. I’m not going to bring up the 4-1 performance, which really should have been 5-0 if you followed my advice and took Texas closer to kick-off when the line moved to over 7. And don’t even ask me about how I hit all 5 of the other picks on the premium member tickle teaser. I’m not talking about any of this. That’s how humble I am.
This week’s slate STINKS! If you’re going to have one Saturday this season where you show face at a family event, do something outside with your significant other, or catch up on your Netflix queue, this is that week. The best game going today is Iowa @ Iowa State. Luckily, I don’t have a life and I will still find a way to enjoy every single second.
NC State @ West Virginia: NC State -7
Duh. Yea, I know I defended West Virginia in Week One. That’s because I always believe in Morgantown. And while that still remains true, I no longer believe in the Mountaineers. Have you watched their first two games? They STINK! NC State isn’t the most reliable squad either, they have had some ups and downs in their first couple match-ups as well. But they seem to get it going as the game goes on. This could be a show-up game for the Mountaineer's defense... for a bit. A close first half will make you sweat, but the Wolfpack will run away with this late – take the freaking points.
Final Score: NC State 28, West Virginia 17
(19) Iowa @ Iowa State: Over 42.5
I know that the state of Iowa is always defense first football. All of the milk and buttered corn that is pumping through the veins of everyone in Jack Trice Stadium just screams under. But this is college football. 42.5 is so low. If you can’t hit the over, you lose your scholarship. That should be a clause for anyone playing in this game. There is no way you can’t hit 42.5 in college football. No way. There is no way. And just in case you think there’s a way, there isn’t.
Final Score: Iowa 24, Iowa State 21
(1) Clemson @ Syracuse: Clemson -27.5
Clemson beat Texas A&M by 2 touchdowns. Syracuse gave up 9 touchdowns to Maryland. Now, don’t get me wrong – Syracuse was probably looking past the Terps straight into this game, thus the blowout. With that said, there is just no way you can justify a Syracuse cover here.
History lesson: October 13th, 2017 – the Orange upset the number two ranked Tigers. Some would say the Carrier Dome still holds the juju. It doesn’t.
Final Score: Clemson 45, Syracuse 17
Florida State @ (25) Virginia: Virginia -7.5
Florida State STINKS. That’s really all you need to know. I mean, they only beat LA-Monroe by 1 point. 1 POINT! TO LA-MONROE! Plus, Virginia has Old Dominion next week and then the currently ranked number seven golden dommer's. This win will set the story line nicely for that week five match-up in South Bend.
Final Score: Virginia 32, Florida State 21
(5) Oklahoma @ UCLA: Oklahoma -23
A college football playoff team is going up against a depleted, and quite frankly, embarrassing Bruins team that - you guessed it - STINKS! A little birdie told me that after last week’s loss to San Diego State, which was the lowest home attendance in UCLA history, the booster club emailed alumni with a ‘thank you for the continuing support – here’s FOUR FREE TICKETS TO THE OKLAHOMA GAME’. The Bruins are begging people to come watch this shit show. Sooners by a billion!
Final Score: Oklahoma 54, UCLA 21
Disclaimer: These are big spreads. It takes big balls to take spreads this big. Nut up or shut up.
Season 3 Running Record: (8-5-2)