The Degenerate Digest v.64

Sheesh. If it wasn’t for you bums asking me for picks to the only games you could get on your satellite dish from 2004, we could have had a winning record last week. The original five I gave out went 3-2. With that said, because I caved for whatever dumb fucking reason and listened to you bozos to include games I HATED (please feel free to check the record your honor), we went 3-4. I know how much I harped on getting a bet against Alabama out of MY system in Week 1... hopefully you degenerates got your request line hope out of the way with losses in Week 2. That’s on you, it’s the burden of proof. Anyways, we head into Week 3 with a chip on our shoulder (mainly yours, not even mine) with sights to set the record straight. I’m currently writing this the night before - against my routine, I know. But the smell of cheap booze, dirty cigars, and easy women are in the air. It’s Bachelor Weekend for a member of the Digest faithful, and if there’s any advice we were given heading into the weekend… well… it was just to be prepared.

(8) Cincinnati @ Indiana: Cincinnati -3.5

I haven’t touched too much on the Bearcats. But the fact of the matter is, they brought almost everyone back (a lot of players that could have easily been poached by OSU in the transfer window) with the goal of going farther than they did last season, which was basically miss playoff consideration because of poor time management in the most important spot of the season against Georgia. Luke Fickell is better than that. The bright lights shined for the first time and he made a mistake. His team didn’t run away, they came together. Indiana has a promising squad but they don’t have the offense to keep up on the scoreboard with this team. And their defense, while solid, has enough holes that will be exploited by Fickell.

Final Score: Cincinnati 27, Indiana 21

(16) Coastal Carolina @ Buffalo: Over 58

This is such a stupid pick. Couldn’t be more dumb. Both of these teams just rake in points, and the leaves haven’t even started falling yet. I don’t trust either defense to make a stop either which adds to the affection I have with this line. Unfortunately, it’s that obvious line mindset that makes me think this is the biggest trap in the world - but I’m taking the cheese Vegas is feeding me. Sprinkle Buffalo moneyline if you know what’s good for you. Shout out to Pat’s cousin.

Final Score: Buffalo 32, Coastal Carolina 28

Western Michigan @ Pittsburgh: Pittsburgh -14

I’m not gonna come here and lie to you, I don’t know shit about Western Michigan. And neither do you, so does it really matter? The only thing we need to focus on is this Pittsburgh offense and their ability to score. They have shown it thus far and are coming back home to show it again after showing it off in front of a packed SEC crowd in Knoxville, Tennessee. If they want a shot against Clemson for the ACC title - these games are must wins and must wins plus some.

Final Score: Pitt 48, Western Michigan 24

UConn @ Army: Army -34

Final Score: Army 42, UConn 7

(1) Alabama @ (11) Florida: Alabama -14.5

Florida giving up the amount of points they did to a USF squad who didn’t deserve a first down the entire game on paper was really disappointing. It does look like the QB controversy has some light at the end of the tunnel for the Gators, but their performances of late have not convinced me that they will be able to compete with a team of the caliber of Alabama. It is what it is.

Final Score: Alabama 45, Florida 21

(22) Auburn @ (5) Penn State: Auburn +4

Yes, a sixth pick - and the best matchup of the weekend. It’s because I like it, it’s not because you’ll be able to have your youngest son stand at the exact angle in the living room to pick off the signal from your tubes antenna ya bums. But as always, this pick is for you because it’s for me. You’re welcome. I love Penn State. I do. Every week I’ve raved about their chance at the Big Ten title, and last weeks Ohio State loss leaves a door open. With that said, they haven’t played a team like Auburn yet. They may have their heads held a cloud too high going into this game. Auburn is also sneaky flying under the radar as one of the best offenses in the SEC. I also made a point to send a select few degenerates the odds for a future on a Auburn natty the day after last years Alabama victory. Pretty sure the odds were close to +15000. Even if you put your kids lunch money on that, you’re currently looking at a potential feast. I am hoping the Nittany Lions pull this one off, but 4 points is too many here.

Final Score: Penn State 32, Auburn 31

Running Record: (102-78-3)